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Listening - a lost art form

7/25/2017

 
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Don't you hate it when you're excitedly telling someone a story, and before you've finished they've interjected and taken the wind out of your sails with regaling their own story?
It isn't merely being disrespectful for the person ....it's shockingly reflective of the me-myself-&-I narcissistic world we live in.
Are parents today teaching their children proper manners...or is it just me who is feeling exasperated at the insincerity of it all?
Has Instagram or hey-check-how-amazing-my-life-is-on-Facebook turned it's users into 3 second goldfish? Click-click-click-NEXT! Clearly it seems we're not getting enough dopamine or happy drugs with our likes and responses. :-( (emoticon)
This has filtered down into how we interact with people, be it face to face or over the phone. The impatience of it all in our rushed lives means we barely give people the real time and respect to tell their own stories with unbiased judgement, or "well-you-think-THAT's-amazing....let me tell you a story of what happened to ME!"
Here are a few tips to help you to not only improve your listening skills, but will result in you being perceived as a nice guy (or conversationalist).
  • Be present - look them in the eye (if you can), and keep focussed on their story. Forget about the waiter lurking in the background, or the Tinder click you just heard on your phone. Don't be a douchebag - respect the person enough to remain in the moment.
  • Acknowledge them - don't be tempted to one-up them, but rather nod / smile / laugh or respond appropriately with non-verbal body language that says to the other person - "GREAT STORY!"
  • Ask open-ended questions around their story. Encouraging more from the other person signals your true interest and sincerity. Be patient, and wait at least three seconds before opening your mouth when they have finished to avoid them just taking a breath.
If we can all tear ourselves away from our mobile phones and screen-time when having a chat, it will give you far more insight into other people, but more importantly raises their level of respect for you.
Just being a good listener isn't hard work, but it does take discipline.



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